Monday, August 13, 2007

The sounds in my head are perfect, and go a little like *this*.

This summer was....a good summer.
Right now I'm packing stuff for my move into the dorms in about 12 hours.
I've been thinking about how my summer has been, everything I've done and experienced...thinking about everything that lies ahead of me this fall.
I'm realizing just how bad with words I am. Perhaps it's not really the words that I'm bad with--it's the language itself that lacks. I want to express *this*. Einstein once damned math for lacking the ability to portray his ideas. Well...Damn language!
Everything this summer has gone as well as could be expected, aside from that last serving of earl grey I just had. I think that I've found my tea and will never deviate from it.
This blog is meant to be another one of those random ramblings that really have no point or direction.
I ended up over at Robert's place the other night... I was planning to spend the night, until the realization hit me that I'm two years older than the oldest person there. That's really not much, but those two years are the two years that really cut a person out of their previously stenciled paper. It was 2am and I called up Joey to save me from high-school boredom...granted, playing trivial pursuit with rob was somewhat entertaining. I could go into specifics about it, but I'm not going to. So I got out of there, and spend the rest of the morning with Joey and his papa-john-people. It was really darn nice to get to see Joey. That planed out my summer to a nice smooth end. College comes, ladies and gentlemen. So where am I going with this? What is the point? The point is Lapsang Souchong, Cafe Mocha, Amphipods, and Nature trails ending at a waterfall. What does that mean? Exactly. Have I flipped? Perhaps. But I'm beginning to define myself. And I like it. You know, to hell with nice cars and two undershirts. Why can't I get through my life without all of the accessory bullshit?
Why does my existence even matter? You know, It really has no effect on anything aside from degrading the universe to a simpler energy level. There is no god out there and people have trouble getting on with their lives by just living. I'm just a simple human guy trying to figure out something about this...*this*..we live in.
I'm sorry for not being modest in the past.. for wanting recognition. Damn that. I'm here to be a person living his life.
So what now? That's always the question that follows any good eureka moment. Do I quit now or wake up in the morning, eat lunch with my father and head to school and forget about this? I always have goals and plans--but they always fall through it seems. I make excuses and complain way too often.
I like the feeling I get from starting a new online game: Having to learn all of the controls and strategy. I like playing a game of go where just one move that I make is a good move that I recognize. Why can't I go through life with that awesome accomplished feeling?

We are a broken specie. The more we evolve the more broken we become. Unfortunately we've almost developed beyond evolution now. We dictate our own destiny, and the destiny of our environment. People complain about being out of control. The problem now is that we have too much control. People believe in a god in order to believe that there is more chaos to our lives than there actually is. It's those split second decisions we make that we don't even know we make that really proves it to me. We are capable of so much and don't realize it.


Ignore this post if you want... It really is all just one jumbled feeling that I tried to express. It's not so much a story as well.. *that*.


haley said...

I wish we could talk more.

Joey said...

If you want that feeling of accomplishment enough, you will begin to get it. You're already well on the way, just in that realization.

Cheers, and let's enjoy this semester while it lasts. =)