An Oppressed Graduate Student’s Guide to
Cooking In the Laboratory
The following protocols are intended only as a joke though would likely produce palatable food with only a minimal risk of hazardous contamination leading to injury or death. As always, use proper personal protective equipment (PPE) when dealing with any potentially dangerous chemicals or equipment.
Spicy Denatured & Disrupted Ova de Gallus gallus
1.) Manually lyse two unfertilized, mature Gallus gallus ova (appx 110g) via forceful disruption of medial cuticula into a ~500mL Erlenmeyer flask. Discard outer calcareous shell as hazardous biological waste.
2.) Add 1900uL 5M NaCL, 5mg Capsaicin (dissolve in 5mL 100% EtOH), and gently swirl to equilibrate.
3.) Add 100mL Fresh Bovine Mammary Secretion (pH 6.8). If unavailable, substitute an appropriate amount of dried Casein in deionized water.
4.) Vortex mixture vigorously (>1500RPM) until complete disruption of vitelline membrane. 3uL 5mg/ml Trypsin may be added to accelerate this process.
5.) Grease a 1L beaker with 10mL 3:1 Oleic Acid:Palmitic Acid solution. Heat to 150°C on a magnetic hotplate with a large magnetic stirbar.
6.) Add disrupted ova mixture and denature for 3 minutes until mixture solidified.
7.) Remove from heat, consume. Make undergraduates clean up your mess.